After my stint as a good samaritan this spring my house was in deep need of a reset. It turns out so was I. After all was said and done, I was done in. I kept thinking I needed a vacation, but by the time I got my home reset I didn’t want to leave. I just wanted to rest. Sit quietly and enjoy my surroundings and pamper myself. A lot!
Once I had the house back in order I had to get myself back in order. I have Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) also known as My Super Power and I accept that. I make no apologies for it either. I am the way that I am, it is how I am hardwired and it makes me who I am as a person. It no longer makes me feel weird, ashamed, embarrassed, odd or abnormal. Instead I embrace it and I happily live with it. My schedules, routines and habits are an important part of my daily life that allows me to function and feel calm. Without them I become anxious and unsettled. I require order in my life, with everything clean and tidy, to feel happy. I have a hard time with clutter so I tend to lean towards a more minimalistic lifestyle.
I need to be productive. I am a creative person and I always like to have projects going so that I am busy and feel like I am always accomplishing something. I need long periods of calm and quiet in my blessed home, surrounded by my things placed exactly like I want them, so I feel grounded. I crave solitude. I thrive in a controlled environment. I can handle chaos and hectic environments, as is often the case at work, when I know I can leave, come home to my little oasis and be at peace. I also know I don’t do well when chaos and dysfunction exists in my own home so for my own sake, I need to keep that from happening again.
As I cleaned up my home and restored order I also cleaned up my head, my emotions and let all of that stress and anxiety go. I got myself back on my regular schedule and into my daily routines. I have settled down and relaxed. I’ve allowed myself plenty of downtime to chill and decompress. I’ve claimed a victory. I can do hard things, yes I can, but I also know that I don’t have to do all of the hard things and that next time, if there is a next time, I can say no. And I will.
In a weird way I think I needed this to see how far I’ve come and what I’m willing to do and not to do. I also think it helped solidify how much I appreciate who I am as a person. I’m so grateful I am ME. Right now, I’m just thrilled and happy to be ME, on my own terms, alone with my fur and feather babies, being my own fabulous person and doing all of the wonderful things I love to do. Hallelujah!
There is a great deal of good in learning your own limits, and respecting them! Not understanding and honoring your own needs is a recipe for misery.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right about that.
DeleteThis is a great post. Thank you for sharing! So glad you have your home and life back! It was so very kind of you to help your friend and her daughter, and it totally makes sense to look at that time as a learning experience about your own limits of helping. It is such a challenge to discern whom to help, how much to help, and how specifically we can or choose to help others, while attending to our own needs, health, and well-being. I am glad for your re-set! I love this quote I read somewhere recently: “ You do not have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.” Also, for future friends-in-crisis situations, as a Boise resident myself, I often refer people in need to the self rescue manual. It’s still a way of “helping” others—without setting ourselves on fire— by giving them access to a huge amount of specific resources. Just google “self rescue manual Boise” and a slew of resources are available at your fingertips. I’m a social worker and have been using this resource for my clients for literally years. Hope this helps!
ReplyDeleteThank you Teresa!
DeleteSuch a lovely post.
ReplyDeleteIt takes humility and self- acceptance to be that self aware and thrive! Bravo for you!
Thank you Margaret.
DeleteOh, I can totally relate to this. Home is my sanctuary and needs to be organized, clean, and restful. Maybe that's why I love New Year's Day - I can put the house back to its pre-holiday state when it is calm and uncluttered. I do miss my younger version of family, but only fleetingly. I love the stage I am in. Love coming home to a house that looks like it did when I left. A house that smells good, feels good - nothing better.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more! :)
DeleteTeresa, the link for the self rescue manual is broken on that site
ReplyDeleteTry the self rescue manual link from idaholegalaid.org. I just tried it and it worked. All the best, Teresa
DeleteI'm happy that you have your home and life back in order. I share some of your Super Power qualities so I can definitely relate to this post. :) My home is a sanctuary of peace and happiness in this hectic world. As a recent retiree, I am truly embracing living life on my own terms. Thank you for sharing such a great post!
ReplyDeleteAngela :)
Thank you Angela. Enjoy retirement. And definitely on your own terms. :)
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