My Super Power

 

I’m going to share a little something with you.  Last winter I was tested and diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) and I was absolutely devastated.  In all honesty, I knew I had obsessive compulsive tendencies, but to have a diagnosis of one’s personality was like a hard punch in the gut.  Immediately I broke down in tears, I was sobbing.

 

My therapist handled me and my mini breakdown like a champ.  The first thing he told me was to drop the word “disorder” (he personally feels this word is way overused) and then he asked me if I would agree that I tend to have an obsessive compulsive personality?  “Yeeeesss…”  And then he asked me why I thought it might be a bad thing?  “I don’t knooow.”  I guess I just assumed that it was.

 

OCDP is similar, but not the same as someone with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and is far less extreme.  While I don’t check all the boxes of OCDP I do check a fair number of them.  Is this something I need to work through and get over?  Well, only if there is a particular part that I’m struggling with, but for the most part – No.  You can’t really “get over it” anyway, it is a part of who I am.  It is how I’m hardwired, likely from birth and in looking back it probably does run in my family.  It isn’t just going to go away, but now that I recognize it for what it is I’m actually able to really use it to my advantage.

 

At the same time it was suggested to me that I am also a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).  Oh goodie, another acronym!  But, combined with OCDP, which is quite common, it only further helped me to identify why I do and feel and act in certain ways.  Again, now that I know I can also use that to my advantage as well.

 

So what does this mean?  It means that I’m strong and capable, organized and methodical, a strict rule follower, attentive to details, goal and deadline oriented, punctual (I can’t be late), loyal and dependable so depending on the occupation I make a really good employee.  I take care of business.  I’m a rock solid provider.  I can also be a royal pain in the ass and drive those around me bonkers, but I always do so with the best intentions.

 

I need order instead of chaos, I thrive with a routine, I’m a planner and a list maker so I’m able to accomplish a lot of things in a typically short amount of time.  I’m a great provider with an eye on quality and economy.  I’m great in a crisis situation, but I often struggle to understand other’s needs and emotions, even on the most basic level.  I can take care of the physical need much better than the emotional side of things, so in the past I’ve tended to steer clear of those situations.  If someone started crying, especially if it was a man, I’d be more likely to get the hell out of there.  I didn’t know what to do.  On the flipside however, when it comes to children, the elderly or animals I’m all there.

 

I’m more comfortable with small groups than crowds.  I struggle when there is a lot of noise and commotion.  I don’t do well with spontaneous, I need a moment to wrap my head around it.  What makes sense to me doesn’t always make sense to the masses and vice versa.  It sometimes takes me a while to figure it out or get the gist.  I’m quite literal so reading between the lines isn’t really my strong point.  If you tell me its red I believe you even if you meant it’s really pink.

 

Initially, I was never going to tell anyone about this, but I’ve come to accept and embrace myself for how and who I am.  And it isn’t a bad thing, not at all.  I only wish now that I could’ve have known about this much sooner in my life.  Perhaps it would’ve made a difference, perhaps not.  It is hard to say, but in the end I guess it doesn’t really matter.  I’m quite happy with the person I am today and that’s the best part.  It’s my Super Power!