Oh my goodness,
there has been so much change in my life this year, it is almost completely overwhelming. Things are definitely different around here,
but it is also very good. Some changes
are wanted, others may not be, some are scary while others are exciting. Life evolves and change is a constant in our
lives whether we like it or not. So is
it time for new traditions in my life?
Yes, I believe it is.
I have been
preparing for some time to venture on into this life on my own. I raised very independent children with great
goals and aspirations of their own and I wholeheartedly respect that, in fact, I encourage it. This year I will most likely be spending the
upcoming holidays by myself because of it and that is completely okay.
Right before my
youngest moved out on her own she and I had a conversation about, of all
things, our Christmas tree. I had told
her that when I was single and had just moved out on my own my mom and I had
gone shopping together at Thrifty Drug , sadly no longer around, and I bought
myself a three foot fake Christmas tree, some lights and ornaments as well as
one of those spinning angel decorations with the candles, anyone remember
those? Anyway I told her it was avery
good memory and I thought I might get me another tree like that and do some
downsizing this year. She thought that sounded
like a really great idea. I just so
happened to purchase one two weeks ago at Hobby Lobby and then I offered up our
six foot tree on the Facebook Buy Nothing Group page.
Each time one of
my children leaves home I redo their rooms.
When my son left home his room was redone to become a playroom for my
daughters. When my oldest left home her
room was redone and is now my bedroom.
When my youngest left home I redid her room and it is now a guest room
as well as a place for me to display my beloved doll collection. As I've shared some of these changes to my home on my other blog I received some unexpected backlash. Harsh comments and even an accusation that I
was erasing my children from my home.
None of my
children has ever expected me to keep a shrine of their existence. They took all of their possessions that they
wanted to keep with them and got rid of whatever was leftover so other than
some furniture and a lot of dust bunnies I didn't really have anything to create a shrine out of
anyway. Also, by the time each child
left home their rooms needed to be thoroughly cleaned and renovated because
they were completely worn out. Teenagers
can be hard on things.
Changing their rooms
also helps me to move on. It would be
really difficult for me to look into a bedroom and see their stuff and not see
them. It would hurt my heart. The same is true if I were to try to keep our
family traditions going if they weren't going to be here. In fact, it makes me tear up just thinking
about it. Our children grow up and have
lives of their own, that is the normal course of things. This year they want to do their own thing with
friends and as adults they have every right to do that. While it may bruise my heart a little bit I
am excited for them to branch off and have those new experiences.
Also, while my
children haven't told me so directly, I think they have reached a point in
their lives right now where they no longer wish for me to share about them on
my blog. Again I am going to respect
that so you won't hear me mention much about them moving forward. I love my children so very much and I am ever
so proud of who they have become and what they are doing. And while I'd love nothing more than to
scream from the rooftops all of their wonderful accomplishments I will refrain. It will be hard, I'm a very proud mama.
Now is the time
for me and living my own life. My plans, my goals, my big adventures. That is really
what this blog is all about and I hope you will enjoy following along with me. A new chapter in life with new traditions to
make and enjoy as well as new experiences of my own. Who really knows what our futures hold, I
sure don't, but it will be exciting finding out.
First, I'm so sorry anyone was rude about your renovating and repurposing rooms in YOUR home-I certainly didn't expect Mom to maintain "children shrines"-heck there were 6 of us! I think it is most admirable that you have "released your children into the wild" with respect rather than expectation. I'm betting they will let you share an achievement here and there over time.
ReplyDeleteAs for us, we have NO rituals. That is our ritual. 🥰 It is actually quite nice to not have a "must do" on any given day of the year.
Cheers to your moving forward and creating your Mom-friend life independent life!
Thank you Elle. I was surprised by some of those comments, but as you said, it's MY home. And I'm enjoying heck out of it too! :)
DeleteAs a long-time follower of your blogs, I, too, am surprised at the assumptions of others about your family and even more so by their voicing those. I have always seen the deep love and respect you have for your girls and theirs for you. It IS hard to let our children go, but that is what good parents do. And the children come back, in my experience, with their own families. And if we fail to plan for them leaving, we fail ourselves as much as we do them.
ReplyDeleteIn my case, when my youngest left for college (the same university where I taught and my husband also worked LOL), I knew that things would be radically different--she needed to separate from us to become her own person. Nevertheless, I was profoundly lost--grieving, in fact. My husband, knowing that I loved to sew (quilts and doll clothes!) and hoped to have more time to sew before actual retirement, took me to get a new sewing machine. Best thing ever--I always tell that daughter, now 34 and living in England with her own family, that it took a very high-end sewing machine to assuage my grief! But it seriously helped me to focus on my own needs, growth, and identity after 30 years of parenting three kids. And we remain deeply close to my kids and their families, perhaps more than if we hadn't given them their freedom, despite the sense of loss we experienced.
I enjoy all of your posts, especially about finding time for yourself again and pursuing simple pleasures like sewing for dolls and restoring your lovely home. And I do hope that your daughters will be comfortable with you sharing about them once in awhile :-))
I was honestly surprised by it myself. I think about them every day so they are never far from my thoughts and yes, there is a bit of a grieving process after the last one leaves. So many changes and adjustments. Now when I look into my daughter's room I can't help but smile when I see all of my dolls grinning at me. It would definitely not feel that way if it was my daughter's empty bedroom reminding me that she is gone.
DeleteWow, I can’t believe anyone would be so brazen as to tell you how to run your home. My parents loved me very much, but visiting their home now, you would never know I had been there! Haha! I think it’s perfectly natural when a child moves out to redecorate. My room was actually built on to and became a master bedroom and bath. My parents turned their old room into the guest room and many, many relatives and friends have stayed with them in the 23 years since I’ve married and moved out. It sounds as if you have raised very goal-oriented, strong, and capable kids. That’s all a parent could hope for! I think you have an amazing attitude about life going forward.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Mandy. My children are always welcome to come home and visit and they have no doubt about that. :o)
DeleteI am so very sorry anyone would say mean things ,like that to you. Both of my children,are grown and have grown children if their own. I was pretty broken, when they left home. But, was very proud they went out and became responsible adults. Just what I wanted. And yes, their rooms were redone, and used for our new lives. No shrines. Lol
ReplyDeleteI can't find a place to follow this new blog??
You are on the new blog and then there is this older one:
Deletehttps://simplyaketolifestyle.blogspot.com/
Wow, I cannot believe people would tell you how to treat your own home. When our kids moved out, we packed up and moved ourselves into a different home. lol They don't even have bedrooms here. I have a guest room that they may use. They have their own homes now and are welcome here at anytime. No shrines here, either!
ReplyDeleteI guess some people have pretty strong thoughts on certain topics. LOL
DeleteWell done, you, for giving your children 'wings' and for not being a clinging parent. ;)
ReplyDeleteThank you Kate! :)
DeleteI hope you make some traditions that are fun for you! I know you have great memories too, and you have done a great job raising strong and independent children.
ReplyDeleteI will definitely do that. :o)
DeleteIt seems to me that people who don't move on after their kids move out are the ones that have a problem. Each of our 4 kids had a bedroom. Now all but one serves a different purpose. 3 of them did come back after moving out for varying lengths of time. Two were brief stays while waiting to get into their new house, but one was for a couple years after a breakup that left her stranded in another state, in debt and broke. She came home. Got her life in order and bought her own home. Our kids are always welcome here-but Hopefully none take us up on that again lol.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. My home is open to friends and family. I love their visits.
DeletePS - I also love it when they leave. LOL
That’s a shame you got such ridiculous comments.
ReplyDeleteSeemed pretty silly to me too. ;)
Delete