Value YOU

 

I mentioned on Monday how I feel like I have a new found sense of freedom so I thought I’d expand on that a little bit.  It has actually been a bit of a surprise for me, a bonus if you will.  But in retired life I have definitely found freedom in my everyday life.

 

When I was young I was somebody’s child and under their influence, teachings and rules.  As a young adult I was somebody’s spouse and someone else’s employee.  I was also a parent.  As I got older I became someone’s ex-wife and a few someone else’s ex-girlfriend.  I was also another person’s employee as well as a parent to two additional children.  For many, many years I was a mom in survival mode, just making my way through my days trying to meet my obligations and my children’s expectations and I think I did a pretty darn good job at it too.  Now, after a lifetime of really hard work (literally blood, sweat & tears), so many sleepless nights due to worry and anxiety about everything and anything, trying my best to live up to what was expected of me, it’s done.  It’s all over.  I’m FREE.

 

I’ve shared before that as I’ve aged I find that I care a whole lot less about a whole lot more, but now, as I sit at this moment, I find that to be even truer on a much greater level.  I now live my life on my own terms.  I don’t allow others to persuade me, push me, guilt me or shame me into doing anything I don’t want to do.  I delete negative comments without remorse and I don’t answer off the wall questions on my blog.  I no longer feel compelled to answer prying questions, especially from total strangers.  I don’t take crap off of anyone because I don’t have to.  I won’t be manipulated.  If you treat me poorly I will walk away.  I don’t do anything that makes me feel anxious or uncomfortable.

 

I have stopped caring what other people think about me and I’m no longer a people pleaser.  The silent treatment no longer works with me.  No longer will people have carte blanche to say whatever they want or treat me badly and expect that I’ll keep coming back.  I’ve drawn lines in the sand and created boundaries and if you can’t love or just like me because of it than that is your problem to deal with, not mine.  I’m not a doormat.

 

I am no longer on the back burner in life.  I don’t sit back and allow others to shine because now it is my turn.  Those that I love and cherish have always had my full support, but now it is time for me to turn that same love inward.  I am always kind to others, but I wasn’t always kind to myself.  I was way too hard on myself, demanded too much and tried too hard.  I shouldered fault and blame that wasn’t mine to take on.  I allowed people to treat me in ways I would never have treated anyone because I thought I must’ve deserved it.  But now, I am able to recognize it for what it was, move on and I will not allow it to happen again.

 

Why couldn’t I have figured all of this out years ago?  I simply do not know.  Probably, because I was so focused on surviving each day and making my way through it, I just wasn’t able to.  Pay your bills, don’t lose your job, raise your kids right, give them everything you can, blah, blah, blah.  Now I am retired!  I have the time to think, to breathe and to feel and know that I am truly valuable.  We all are.  We just need to make sure we are valuing ourselves.  Every. Single. Moment. Of. Every. Single. Day.