Boundaries & Doormats

 

Establishing boundaries has always been something of a struggle for me, pretty much my entire life.  In the past I have never wanted to upset anyone or risk making them mad at me so I was always trying to keep the peace, accepting responsibility for any unpleasantness, apologizing for upsetting them and trying my best to figure out ways to make other people happy, often at my own expense.  My greatest fear was that I would make someone angry and they would stop talking to me or want nothing more to do with me.  Rejection is a hard pill to swallow.

 

Without realizing it, I could be easily manipulated and used by people.  As long as I served a useful purpose to them all was well, but if I ever said “no” to something, rather than respect that boundary they would become upset and offended.  Essentially, I had become a doormat, something people wipe their dirty shoes on.  I have been given the silent treatment (ghosted), ignored at holidays, special occasions and family get-togethers.  I’ve had some pretty terrible untruthful things said about me behind my back, a lot of it I even believed at times.  Many times. I’ve been a victim of gaslighting more often than I care to admit.  My family is very good at this type of behavior.  I’ve even been bullied by adults at work on a few occasions throughout my life.

 

There has been a lot of heartache, tears, anxiety and despair over the years and a lot of questions like – Why?  Why does this keep happening?  What is it about me that makes people think it is okay to use me and take advantage of me?  Why do people think they can bully me?  Why is it that the only time people want to be around me is when they need something from me?  Am I not good enough?  I’ve been hurt by so many people that were supposed to love and care about me.  You begin to wonder “what on earth is wrong with me?”  The short answer is – nothing.  The bigger question is how do I make it stop?

 

I’ve been in therapy off and on for a number of years, more consistently this past three years, and this has been the hardest issue for me to overcome.  It has been a difficult journey, but therapy has quite literally kept me from slipping over the edge.  It has taught me A LOT about myself and the people I’ve had in my life.  It has showed me that I’m okay and doing the best I can to navigate this upheaval called life.  That just like me, other people have issues they are dealing with too, whether they realize it or not.  We all have insecurities, fears, and doubts at times and we have to deal with those in a healthy and constructive manner.  We also need to be kind and respectful to each other, but for some, especially those with mental health issues, this can be very difficult.  Therapy has also taught me that I don’t need to put up with other people’s crap.

 

I may be kind, understanding and compassionate, but I am not someone’s punching bag nor am I a doormat.  I will draw a line, establish a boundary and stand up for myself and if someone has a problem with that, well that’s on them.  I’ve lost relationships, both family and friends, over this and I’m okay with it, as best as I can be.  I’d much rather be alone in this world than be treated poorly.  I have had more than enough of that.  I am much more important than that.  I have value and I am worthy of so much more.

 

So, if you find yourself in a similar situation, know that you are not alone.  It’s okay to ask for respect, even demand it.  We all have value, it is not just for a select few.  Stay strong, be strong and stand up for yourself.  Know that you are enough.  And if you are struggling, like I was, please don’t be afraid to get some help.  Above all, know that you are important and that you matter.  I’m in your corner.

 

Tapping Into My Inner Minimalist

 

Keeping and maintaining a clutter free home is an ongoing project that, for most of us, will never end.  Just like laundry or dishes it is something we still need to do on a regular basis so we don’t become overwhelmed by our stuff.  I make a point to routinely go through cupboards, drawers and closets to cull the items I no longer want, need or use, basically items that are no longer serving me, and every time I am amazed by how much I still find.  Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I really know how to pack things away in a closet or a drawer.

 

Things were stuffed in and hanging over the edges

Now that I have the goal to prepare my home, and myself, to make a big out of state move, I have been feeling like I still have too much stuff.  Even if I wasn’t planning that move I still think I would feel this way because after all of these years of decluttering I still feel like I am left with far more than I truly want or need.  If I had to pack up and move tomorrow it would be a complete waste of boxes, my time and my money to move most of the stuff I still have, there is no doubt in my mind about that.  Just that thought alone is enough to compel me to go through and really reevaluate the things I’ve chosen to keep and the “why” behind those decisions.

 

Swedish death cleaning is a good tool to use whenever you are evaluating many of the things you have when you find yourself asking yourself “why do I have this?” because the hard truth is  no one else I know will want the vast majority of what you have.  Case in point, I recently found a forgotten jar of coins.  Twenty one Susan B. Anthony and Sacagawea dollars, three half dollars and three $2 bills were in there plus a bunch of loose change.  In all honesty I have no recollection of collecting all of those dollar coins or why I did.  I know my kids don’t want them for any special reason, they’re just coins.  So I gathered them all up and deposited them into my savings account.  I even added the flip top jar to my donation bag.  Done!  It freed up a lot of space in that drawer for things I actually do use.

 

Bag it up!  Move it out!

“What if” or “just in case” items are another struggle.  I kept a pair of dress shoes I’d never worn and a pair of dress boots I hadn’t worn in years for “someday” when I might need them.  Truth is I will never need them.  They are now gone and in their place are the shoes I actually wear.

 

I literally had boxes of boxes

In my garage I had a collection of cardboard boxes taking up an enormous amount of space for when I might need one.  Okay?  Really?  Cardboard boxes are anything but scarce, you get one every time you order something online, so why was I hoarding them?  I have no flipping idea.  I broke them down and stuffed them into my recycle bin and after the bin was emptied I filled it up again.  And then I went back out and found some more and filled the recycle bin again!  It was, to say the least, ridiculous.  At the same time I also realized I need to stop saving bubble mailers.  You do not need an entire plastic bin full of bubble mailers.  You don’t.

 

In my home I only want to keep the things that I truly want.  Only the things I actually use.  I don’t need to keep the items that frustrate me like the mini muffin tin that sticks no matter how much I oil it, same with the bundt pan or the heavy rectangle baking stone I never use.  The extremely well worn out snow shovel when I have already purchased a replacement?  Nope.  Or all the old towels for rags.  And what is with the good rags vs. bad rags?  Aren’t they all just rags? And how many rags does one person really need?  Paper?  Craft supplies?  Fabric?  Pillows?  Linens?  The list goes on and on.  So much stuff!

 

Love 💖

Once again I’m reminding myself that I only need what I need.  My children don’t need me to save stuff for them because they aren’t going to want it and, as they have demonstrated, they can take care of and provide for themselves.  I no longer need to provide things for other people.  I only need to provide for myself.  Old habits are hard to break sometimes.

 

Simple

In my heart and my mind I prefer to have less stuff.  I always want to live with a smaller footprint.  As I continue my decluttering journey I’m going at it much differently.  I’m tapping into my inner minimalist and I’m dialing in more on what my home is supposed to look like, feel like and have in it for me.  I’ve made a lot of progress so far, but I still have a ways to go.  I know I can do this!  Who’s with me?

 

Cooking For One Or Two - Quick & Easy Potato Salad

 

If you keep canned potatoes on your shelf then you’ve already got a huge jumpstart on making a small batch of potato salad, which is all I really need these days.  I had never thought of using canned potatoes to make potato salad before, but now I’m a fan.

 

I drained a jar of my home canned potatoes, chopped up some onion a couple baby dills and two hard boiled eggs.  Then I used some mayonnaise, mustard, salt & pepper and stirred it all together.  That’s it!  After I was done I realized I could’ve even used my dill relish instead of chopping up the pickles to make it even faster.  This is another great way to use my home canned potatoes.  You could easily make this in a hotel room or at a campsite too.

 

I let mine chill in the fridge for a couple of hours and then served it alongside some grilled all beef wieners.  It was the perfect summer weekend meal!

My Tireless Retirement - Week 176

 

Hello my friends!  School begins on Monday here, how about where you are?  I’ve decided to stay out of the stores for several days as I know they will be crowded with last minute back-to-school shopping.  I am so glad I am no longer participating in that part of the rat race.  Instead I stayed home and enjoyed some time in my kitchen.

 

Last Thursday’s trip to take a group of ladies out to the orchards to pick peaches and blackberries worked out well for me too.  I went ahead and picked some for myself this year with the idea I’d make some jam.  With plenty of funds left in my Fun & Leisure budget I went ahead and filled up a couple containers with beautiful and very ripe peaches and a container of delicious blackberries.  The flavors of the peaches and blackberries were amazing and they were huge too.

 

I ended up putting the blackberries in the freezer so I could get to work on the peaches.  I cut up two of them to freeze for my smoothies and turned the rest into the best peach preserves I think I have ever made.  The peaches were so sweet I didn’t need much sugar.  I added three shots of whiskey to the pot near the end and it really enhanced the flavor of the preserves and also gave it a really nice deep orange color.  I labeled each jar and decorated them with fabric circles I had cut out from scraps with pinking shears.  I love how they look and seeing them on the pantry shelf makes me happy.  I took a jar to work and gave it to my boss which seemed to really make her day.

 

I tried some of the peach preserves in my homemade yogurt and it was amazing.  By making my own homemade plain yogurt I find that stirring in a spoonful of homemade jam or preserves is perfect for flavor and the right amount of sweetness for me.  It tastes so much better than any store bought yogurt, that’s for sure.

 

Because this past week was another very busy work week where I was covering for an employee on vacation I didn’t really have anything planned at home as far as projects.  Instead I just puttered about watering flowers, doing laundry and tidying up.  In the spirit of my pantry challenge I made a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies, all from scratch, and was able to use up the last of a jar of raisins and a handful of white chocolate chips that had been hanging around for a while.  I also added a handful of chopped pecans.  They are delicious!  I put some away in the freezer so I wasn’t tempted to eat them all, although I seem to have no problem eating a frozen cookie.  Ha!

 

I relied quite a bit on some of my meal prepped dinners that were squirreled away in the freezer as well as some home canned soup for my meals over the weekend and after work.  It made it fast and easy for me to get a healthy and nutritious dinner ready.  I had some cabbage and carrot chopped up as well as spinach leaves in the fridge to make a quick salad to go alongside.  The only thing I needed to prepare this week was a batch of salad dressing.  Needless to say not a lot of time was spent in the kitchen preparing meals.

 

Midweek I was able to carve out some time to pull out my frozen blackberries and make a big pot of the most glorious jam to add to my pantry.  I also took a very large zucchini a co-worker gave me and shredded it for the freezer.  It was very good timing because I only had one package of zucchini left in my freezer.

 

Throughout the past few weeks I’ve found myself very much drawn to watch the news (trusted sources, not false news) more than what I typically do.  I also find myself praying more about the issues plaguing our nation at this time as I am deeply concerned about where our country seems to be headed and how we will be fairing once our president leaves office in three and a half years.  My gut tells me we are in for a very bumpy ride.

 

A large part of my readers are from outside of the United States and I very much appreciate that.  I feel that by staying silent about the current political situation it may give off the false impression that I may condone and support what is going on and I want to be clear that I definitely do not.  Am I shocked or surprised by what is going on?  No.  In fact, I pretty much predicted this was going to happen.  What has shocked me is how accurate I was and that so much of what I speculated has already happened in such a short amount of time.

 

I am not a republican, nor am I a democrat.  I have always voted cross party tickets based on a candidates experience, their platform as well as their ethical and moral qualities.  I do my research.  With that in mind this is not a president I voted for in 2024 or in 2020 and 2016.  In all three cases I had very grave concerns about this particular person being giving a position of power.  This blog is not a political platform by any means but I’ve felt that I needed to address the elephant in the room a little bit.  This is where I stand.  To anyone who has been offended by anything our president has done or said know that, as a proud American, I am so very sorry.  At the end of the day, regardless of which way you align yourself politically, wrong is still wrong.

 

On that note I am signing off and wishing everyone well.  Please be kind in the comment section.  Take care my friends.  God bless you and God Bless America.  We can use all the help we can get.

 

Under Consumption - Core?

 

Adding the word “core”, meaning style or aesthetics, onto another word is rather trendy these days.  I’ve heard Grandma-Core which embraces a lifestyle reminiscent to our grandparents or the perception of one’s grandparents.  Cottage-Core suggests ways to arrange or decorate your home more like a country or English cottage.  There are various fashion cores, too many to list.  The one that gave me a chuckle was Under Consumption-Core which suggests in light of our current inflation and corporate greed that we embrace purchasing less.  I don’t know that we need to add the word “core” to consuming less, but it is definitely a premise I can get behind.

 

For ages I’ve been preaching about this very thing.  Spend less, save more!  And by save more I don’t mean buy something on sale I literally mean save your money.  In an account!  That earns interest.  Preferable a lot!  Make your money really work for you and earn its right to be spent.  Be intentional about the things that we do and the things that we buy.  Stop buying garbage and seek out quality goods instead, especially when it comes to our food.

 

I am midway through my second month of a pantry challenge and it has occurred to me that my entire life seems to be one big pantry challenge.  I am using the resources I already have on hand first before I go out and buy anything new.  Early in life it was something I had to do.  Now it is something I want to do.  It has become a way of life, a habit if you will.  I don’t want to be wasteful.  I want to be a good steward.  In the process I want to be mindful of my spending and grow my wealth.

 

I’m not sure we need to make a “core” out of everything, but it does my heart good to see the younger set embracing the idea of consuming less while watching their debt and spending habits.  If it helps them to make it trendy, then by all means, so be it.  What are your thoughts?  Are you embracing the Under Consumption Core?

 

A Condo Makes Sense

 

Over the past ten years or so I have looked at tiny homes, park model homes, even mobile homes as well as cabins and smaller homes.  Recently I had to sit down with myself and have a reality check.  I’m not thirty years old anymore (the age I apparently think I am in my head) and I’m not going to get younger anytime soon.  I have to be realistic with my plans, especially if I want to age in my own home.

 

After all of that research and contemplation I’ve come to the conclusion that a condo makes the most sense for me.  I want a small one bedroom, one bathroom (I only want to have to wash one toilet) unit with a nice kitchen that I can cook my meals, do a little home canning and bake in.  I will take care of the inside and allow someone else to take care of the outside.

 

I also had to come to terms with the fact that I’m no landscaper, I wholeheartedly admit I am terrible at it.  And!  I don’t enjoy working in the yard or gardening either.  The last thing I want to do is go outside and plant stuff or pull weeds.  Who have I been kidding?!  It just isn’t my thing.  Give me a little patio or a balcony with a flower pot where I can put a few flowers and a little bistro set where I can sit and have my morning coffee or watch the rain fall and I’d be just fine.  I don’t need a yard or a garden.

 

My BFF has lived in a condo since 2020 (when Covid hit) after living in a house.  He hasn’t regretted that decision one bit.  He lives in a secure building so it allows him to come and go without worrying about his home while he is away.  He never has to worry about a leaky roof or fallen gutter.  He doesn’t have to mow or weed & feed the grass.  He doesn’t have to paint the exterior or make any outside repairs because the HOA fees cover that.

 

He is only responsible for the interior.  As he told me if his water heater fails or an appliance stops working he just goes to Home Depot or Lowes and makes arrangements.  Same thing if the carpet wears out.  The hardest decision he has to make is what replacement item to choose.  He has it delivered and installed and they haul off the old stuff.  Done!  And it isn’t like those types of things happened all the time, in fact they are very infrequent.  It is definitely an easier and more carefree lifestyle.

 

Even though there are monthly HOA fees if I do the math I will actually be saving money in the long run.  A lot of money!  I won’t have to save up for a roof replacement or to have someone come and paint my house.  I won’t have as many expenses either.  Depending on where I live my property taxes, homeowners insurance and utility bills will all be lower.  In many condos the water sewer and trash is included with the HOA fees.  I like that!  I certainly won’t have to spend another $3,000 having my trees trimmed/removed like I did last fall.

 

Have any of you thought about or lived in a condo?  What are your thoughts?

 

Affordable Food Storage Organization

 

There are so many wonderful options out there for creating that Pinterest worthy pantry, however, they are really expensive.  And while they are pretty and seem like they’d be super nice I’ve heard they really aren’t all that practical.  Some don’t seal well and food gets stale.  Others say they don’t fit in most people’s pantries.  I’ve seen how the sizes don’t correlate to the package size of the items you are trying to store so you either have too much unused space or it won't hold it all so there is always a little bit left.  Most comments I’ve heard is that whole process becomes just too tedious and they just give up using them.

 

I’ve always found that glass jars work just fine for me.  They come in all kinds of sizes and hold pretty much everything I need to store.  They also seal nicely so my foods stay nice and fresh.  Best of all they are very affordable.  And if you aren't as picky as I am they can even be free.

 

I even use them to hold my laundry detergent

I invested in a flat of six half gallon Mason jars to hold rice, beans, pasta, my homemade granola and oatmeal.  Sugar and flour works well in them too.  They are wide mouth jars so you can easily use a scoop or measuring cup to remove the contents.

 

I invested in a flat of quart size Mason jars too.  In those I keep smaller amounts of beans, pastas, jasmine rice, nuts, popcorn, my dehydrated foods, etc.  If I need something smaller I use some of my pint and half pint canning jars.

 

The half pint and four ounce jelly jars are the perfect size to store most of my spices.  I saved the lids from parmesan cheese containers which fit perfectly and offer me the option of using a shake or measuring spoons to remove the contents.  By the way, the lids from the sixteen ounce peanut butter jars fit regular mouth canning jars, but you can also buy the plastic Ball lids at Wal-Mart in a variety of types and sizes.  I have a couple set of the plain white in both regular and wide mouth sizes.  Most of the lids I have however are peanut butter and cheese lids.

 

Yogurt!

So, in a nutshell, I guess the best and most efficient way for me to keep my food stored and organized in my pantry and in my spice cupboard is to keep it simple and just use a jar.  They also work well in the refrigerator for condiments, sauces and prepared produce items.  Works for me!