In 2021
I had three heart attacks and a few subsequent TIA’s while I was
recuperating. Eventually, it was
determined that my heart issues were related to job-related stress. I also learned that I had an undiagnosed
congenital heart defect as well as an undiagnosed genetic artery disorder
called Fibromuscular Dysplasia (FMD). My
goals when I was discharged from the hospital was to do everything I could to
get back to the person I was prior to these events. Little did I know at the time, this wasn’t
going to happen.
My
mistake was thinking that it would, or even could, happen and not accepting
that I am no longer the same person I used to be. But, the truth is, that is completely
okay. I don’t have to be. What I am now is physically and mentally
healthy. After two and a half years my
heart was completely healed and the surgery I was originally told I might need
I no longer do. I no longer take any
medication for my heart, but I do take one medication to manage my FMD plus a
daily low dose aspirin.
I do
notice a difference in my body with regard to my energy level, strength and stamina
which used to frustrate me very much, however I have come to realize that not
only did I get walloped with cardiac issues five plus years ago, I also went
through menopause and I’m older too. Things changed and therefore, so did I,
physically and mentally.
There
is no way someone goes through something like I did without it affecting you in
some way. One thing I was not prepared
for was the emotional toll it had taken on me and at first I was in complete
denial that it did. But, eventually I
acknowledged that I had been scared, weakened and literally put through the
ringer. It was, to say the least,
traumatic. I was more emotional and
sometimes I would cry for no apparent reason (I partially blame menopause
too). It was a lot.
Fast
forward to today and I am happily accepting that, although I still deal with
hot flashes, I am completely okay with the person that I am now. I am no longer trying to be who I was and
embracing who I am. Change happens, in
so many different ways, and I’m just going to ride the wave. I need be very protective of myself and make
sure I do everything I can to remain healthy so I don’t end up in a pickle
again. That is what I plan to do.
This resonates, as someone with lupus as well. It's really difficult for me to admit to myself that I can't be the person I was, who ran 30 miles a week and got by on 5 hours of sleep and juggled everything in the world. My health doesn't allow for that, and sometimes that makes me feel really...weak. Which is silly, because it's just the facts of who I am and what I need to do to be healthy. It sounds like you have gotten into a great mindset, and I'm glad you're so protective of your own health. If not you, who would be advocating for you to take care of yourself? It has to be you prioritizing this. - Hawaii Planner
ReplyDeleteI completely understand. I'm no longer the powerhouse I used to be, but I also realize now that I no longer need to be. Take care :)
DeleteTBG has been going through heart issues for the last two and a half years. No one tells you the emotional and mental toll it is going to be. I've heard from others with heart issues that this is completely normal and everyone experiences it. You don't want to lose yourself to a disease but it definitely does change you.
ReplyDeleteHeart issues are no joke, like you said, and according my doctor she says the same. We all go through it. Prayers and well wishes for TBG. Take care Lori. :)
Delete“Change happens, in so many different ways…” THIS. While I am not a fatalist by any means, the fact is that things change; indeed, they are MEANT to change. We age, kids age, people move, towns grow (or falter) etc. Our power is how we allow those changes to affect us, and we guide that by takin control of what we can. I am glad you took control of your health.
ReplyDelete-Meg B.
That is definitely one thing you can always count on - Change! It happens whether we like it or not. Thanks Meg! :o)
DeleteI didn't know that your heart attacks were because of job-related stress. I feel very guilty, now, for encouraging you to tackle to "learning experience" of dealing with your Piece of Shit coworker. How that POS was left in the workplace to spread her poison and possibly give a genuinely good and kind person like yourself a heart attack is beyond the pale.
ReplyDeletePlease forgive me. I did not know the level of nonsense I was advocating. To think that your heart was at risk over her nonsense is startling.
And how your management thought it fine to accept your resignation instead of promptly firing HER...it makes this a crazy, crazy world. I'm sorry.
It sounds like you are absolutely luxuriating in your reaquired peace. You SO deserve it!
There is nothing to forgive. You were simply offering advice. I had even shared my heart history and concerns with the supervisor when we were going through all of this and she obviously did not care. It's all okay now and I'm very happy not to be there anymore.
DeletePS. I also believe in Karma!! :o)