I'm Not The Same & I Made A Mistake

 

In 2021 I had three heart attacks and a few subsequent TIA’s while I was recuperating.  Eventually, it was determined that my heart issues were related to job-related stress.  I also learned that I had an undiagnosed congenital heart defect as well as an undiagnosed genetic artery disorder called Fibromuscular Dysplasia (FMD).  My goals when I was discharged from the hospital was to do everything I could to get back to the person I was prior to these events.  Little did I know at the time, this wasn’t going to happen.

 

My mistake was thinking that it would, or even could, happen and not accepting that I am no longer the same person I used to be.  But, the truth is, that is completely okay.  I don’t have to be.  What I am now is physically and mentally healthy.  After two and a half years my heart was completely healed and the surgery I was originally told I might need I no longer do.  I no longer take any medication for my heart, but I do take one medication to manage my FMD plus a daily low dose aspirin.

 

I do notice a difference in my body with regard to my energy level, strength and stamina which used to frustrate me very much, however I have come to realize that not only did I get walloped with cardiac issues five plus years ago, I also went through menopause and I’m older too.  Things changed and therefore, so did I, physically and mentally.

 

There is no way someone goes through something like I did without it affecting you in some way.  One thing I was not prepared for was the emotional toll it had taken on me and at first I was in complete denial that it did.  But, eventually I acknowledged that I had been scared, weakened and literally put through the ringer.  It was, to say the least, traumatic.  I was more emotional and sometimes I would cry for no apparent reason (I partially blame menopause too).  It was a lot.

 

Fast forward to today and I am happily accepting that, although I still deal with hot flashes, I am completely okay with the person that I am now.  I am no longer trying to be who I was and embracing who I am.  Change happens, in so many different ways, and I’m just going to ride the wave.  I need be very protective of myself and make sure I do everything I can to remain healthy so I don’t end up in a pickle again.  That is what I plan to do.