I Got My House Back!

 

Oh my gosh you guys!  The past twelve weeks have been absolutely nuts around here!  At the end of February a dear sweet friend of mine filed for divorce to end thirty one years of marriage and once her husband was served things got a little sticky.  She called me in panic and needed a place to stay along with her adult daughter still living at home due to a variety of health issues.  Of course, I said yes because at the time I knew in my heart she would do the same for me if I was in a bad situation.  Initially she thought she’d only be here for three to four weeks, but we all know how that goes.  I was more realistic knowing it was likely to be longer, while I think she was just being hopeful.  This past Monday they were able to move into their own apartment (housing here is ridiculous) and I now have my empty nest all to myself once again.  Hurray!

 

Having long term houseguests completely threw pretty much everything into a fair bit of chaos.  In more ways than I could’ve imagined.  Making concessions to accommodate for their needs, making space for them and all of the stuff they brought, working out showers, extra laundry, extra housekeeping, all of it.  My guest room is also my craft and sewing room and I have had no access to that room at all.  That was really hard for me.  I’m not going to lie.  Add to that the disruption to my daily life, my routines and schedules while trying to be a patient and supportive listener as the drama unfolded (not really my strong suit) plus a fair bit of lost sleep because they’re night owls and I’m a morning person.

 

Thankfully the guest room was plenty comfortable for them

As was expected there was a lot of drama, a lot of emotions and upheaval, a lot of conversations on repeat.  People going through a divorce don’t always act appropriately.  There are things I learned about my friend that I did not now, would never have imagined and I’d honestly rather not know.  There was a scary moment over a missing handgun her soon to be ex was in possession of followed by a police report.  Then he disappeared for a week and no one knew what happened to him.  A lot of craziness happened all at once and it didn’t really go away.  As an outsider you see the objective and practical side of things so watching and listening to all of this without interjecting your own thoughts on the subject can be challenging.  I strived to be a good listener and drew on my patience.  I am also forgiving.  I prayed a lot asking the Lord to give me strength.

 

I love the "stuff'" bag 😄

It was a huge sacrifice not only of my home life, but as it turned out even my social life was dramatically affected.  I had to put a lot of my plans on hold while they were here.  My BFF did not want to come and visit because there were too many people (women) in the house and he wouldn’t be comfortable, plus he thought I was completely nuts.  Nice, but definitely nuts. Another friend had to postpone her visit because the guest room wasn’t available.  At one point I cancelled a dinner party because there was too much drama going on and I didn’t want my dinner guests to have to deal with it.  A lot had to be put on hold.  I think this situation would be hard for anyone.  But!  And this one is BIG because as some of you may recall I happen to have a certain super power that ordinarily would make this type of a situation nearly impossible for me.  I had to work really hard to keep it together.  And I did it!  In fact, I did it pretty darn well.

 

There were also some great milestones.  We were able to figure out on paper how my friend can save and invest and get ready for retirement by age 65 once the dust settles and her divorce is final.  Her daughter’s health dramatically improved while she was here (less stress at my house).  In the middle of their stay she broke up with her boyfriend and handled it better than we expected.  Even more impressive she applied for and got herself a new job, actually two jobs and she had to choose one.  The one she chose is a really good one with the county using her college degree.  We are so proud of her.  She also ventured out and started socializing with her friends and trying new things like playing pickle ball.

 

I found out quick that this fridge is too small for 3 adults

You guys, I’m super proud of myself because this was definitely a big test of all my learned coping skills.  I didn’t get hyper focused on all the things that weren’t “normal” (there were a lot!) and managed to work my way through messiness and clutter.  They are good, considerate people and they did their best initially to pick up after themselves and give me my space but as time went on they got a little complacent which I think is normal for most people.  They made themselves at home, moved my stuff around without asking and got really comfortable there at the end which was tough, but I managed it.  Again I think it is normal and a testament to feeling comfortable in my home.

 

To celebrate their move out I got busy cleaning my entire house so I could put everything back in its proper place the way I LOVE it.  It is a work in progress, but it FEELS SO GOOD to have my home back to myself and soon it will be set up just the way I like it.  The peace and quiet around here is deafening.  A huge load, not to mention a lot of tension, has been lifted from my shoulders and I’m sleeping better again.  With my OCPD I do really well with weekend visitors and even week long visitors, but twelve weeks?!  This was a huge milestone of my own!  I can do hard things!  I do know this about myself and I also know that what I did for them is on no small scale.  It was BIG.  Would I do it again?  NOPE!  Not on your life!

 

I am very grateful I was able to help them out in a time of need and I learned a lot about myself.  There were a lot of positives here for my own personal growth, but I won’t be doing it again because being immersed in someone else’s unhealthy drama isn’t good for a person.  Plus, I need my own life and my own space and that was all too apparent to me in the final weeks as I counted down the days until they moved into their new apartment while praying that nothing would happen in the meantime to prevent that move.

 

I did not crack up!  Whoo hoooo! 😛

I have accepted that I am a unique person with my super power and that I’m really not suited to having non family members staying with me long term and I’m okay with that.  I know I need my home to be how I need my home to be.  I also know I need my crafting and sewing space because it is a HUGE part of who I am and not being able to do the things that I love to do was really hard for me.  My schedules, my routines, my quirks and little idiosyncrasies are all important to me.

 

Now things are settling down and I am getting back into my regular everyday life.  My life is no longer on hold.  There is calm and peacefulness in my home and all is right in my world once again.  I love my friends.  I love my family.  I love it even more when they all live in their own homes.  Thank you God for getting me through this and safely onto the other side.  I made it!  Amen!